Lost

Lost. My tears are cuddling my face. Everyday I see them craving for my eyes. And this is where the story begins. Sadness – not knowing who I am and which way is the right one. Searching for love, happiness and everything else which fills my void of emptiness. There he is, my prince, which fills my heart with something that makes me alive. But how come I still feel lost beside his love surrounding me. Stretching for his words, craving for his touch – is this lust really that thing, which is called love? Holding him tight, hoping that his arms will cover and protect my pain inside. Without him? This place is a lonely shelter, where I can’t survive. I need him, every ounce of his being – and me? I am somewhere inbetween I guess and my worth is somewhere in this mess, please don’t stress –my mind say’s.

Loving him and being accepted for your beauty is the only way. Because that’s how it is: They call me beautiful, cute and friendly, so that’s who I am, I guess? Time flyies and I realise it’s still this void which I feel inside. How do I erase it? Everyday this same ish: Putting Make-Up on my face, wearing the cutest clothes just to fit in this world of attention, comprehension/comparison is the new way to communicate – when does this end?

And this is where the story pauses for a bit: I am going out of my being, looking from the outside into myself, realising that my worth the whole time was in somebody else. Now I’m in my twentys – not where I was, but clearly not where I want to be. Trying to clean out this mess I made in my past. But how? Where do I begin, if all I want to do is being seen – letting my fears and thoughts win. Searching for myself and not letting anybody else tell me who I am. Reaching for my creator, my healer, the one, who knows me the best: God. He stretches his arms to hold me tight and to tell me that everything is going to be all right. Who is she? This girl behind this eyes – can you tell me? Can I even it say it myself? A new journey begins: she searches for herself, ready to let the past behind. She is fighting to leave her old patterns because her soul is craving for a new life – let’s find out who she really is through the Lord, who will never let her miss the great purpose in her life.